The Power of Words: "I Forgive Him"

When I heard Erika Kirk utter these three words so soon after her husband's assassination, my immediate reaction was surprise and questioning. How could she forgive so quickly? Shouldn't she allow herself more time to process the anger, hurt, and unimaginable pain? Most people would understand if she did.

However, as I reflect on this as a Christian and challenge myself, I realize that in the past, I have delayed forgiveness for far lesser offenses. Yet, I now see the wisdom in forgiving not only promptly but also in vocalizing it. Even as Erika spoke those words, her emotional pain was evident. Despite her raw emotion, she understood that because Christ forgave, and believing her husband Charlie would have done the same, it was the right thing to do.

When someone has deeply and repeatedly offended you, withholding forgiveness primarily harms your intimacy with God.

So, why do we hold back forgiveness?

• Is it for revenge or the anger we hold?

• Are our feelings hurt?

• Is there a lack of understanding the harm of unforgiveness?

• Is it pride?

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Throughout my life, I have learned the power of these words, and here is my journey of understanding:

Matthew 6:15 states, "If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." This verse gives me significant pause, making me consider who I am not to forgive, especially since I desperately need God's forgiveness. 

I have had two experiences in my life where I realized that while people categorize sins by severity, God sees all sin equally. My small lie (and I've done much more) is the same as the assassin's hatred for Charlie Kirk. It is humbling to understand God's perspective on sin. 

This has allowed me to fully forgive those who have deeply hurt me.

Unforgiveness leads to resentment, bitterness, and ultimately, a sense of victimhood, which hinders my spiritual growth and my close relationship with God. When I forgive, I am choosing to be in a right relationship with God. It also allows me to love others and empathise with them and show compassion. 

I can choose to forgive even when I don't feel like it. Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. In my coaching, I often help clients understand that while feelings are real, they are not always accurate or based in truth. So, how do I forgive without necessarily feeling like it?

• Pray, "God, help me to forgive..." After all, He is the Ultimate Forgiving God; He forgave me and you.

• Say aloud: "I forgive you," or "I forgive..." This act opens the door to healing.

• Pray for the person who offended you. Include them in your blessings, praying the same over them as you would for yourself and your loved ones. This helps us fulfill God's command to "love your enemies."

• Pray and internalize the Lord's Prayer often. This prayer holds power, and when prayed wholeheartedly, living in God's will becomes easier.

• Have a spiritual mentor partner with you in this.

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When we practice these steps, you will find that the "feeling" of forgiveness will follow your obedience to God's command to forgive. We don't need to "feel" it to forgive. However, with prayer, the feeling will follow.

So, forgive immediately! When you do, you limit Satan's damaging power and you give God the power to do an amazing work in your life and the glory will be His. 

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting…only God can do this…so give yourself grace when the event rears its ugly head and rinse and repeat the list above. Also, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have the same relationship with the offender. It may be different and that is okay. It may mean you need to cut ties with this person. Yet forgiveness is still needed to move forward as a biblical Christian and child of God.

Want to talk further about this, do you need support? Reach out to me, I’d be honored to partner with you as you grow in your relationship with God.